Girl Bares Midriff in Public; Whole City Grinds to Halt

We come to you today bearing breaking news; last Thursday we received reports from several concerned citizens who claim they spotted not only one but several university-aged young women wearing what can only be described as inappropriate clothing. Of course we have reporters looking into this claim, but from what we can tell, the witnesses, while shaken, were consistent in their statements, which we regret seem to be truthful and accurate.

One of the girls in question – a marginally attractive girl of around twenty years old, reports say – was seen parading around in public spaces with both her lower thighs and her midriff on show. We cannot say whether she was seen by any children, but we hope, for the sake of the community, that she was possessed with enough presence of mind to avoid that potential catastrophe.

The question here, is how this anonymous offender could think that leaving the house only semi-clothed could possibly be an appropriate course of action. Was she not in her right mind? Or, perhaps worse, was she genuinely convinced that her short skirt and ‘crop-top’ were really acceptable forms of outdoor clothing? It says something about our society, I believe, that young women nowadays are so hedonistic, so selfish and short sighted, that they could overlook the opinions of well-bred male members of society in favour of their own autonomous decisions. Young women think nothing of the consequences of their actions. The poor decisions of this one girl in particular, for example, was the cause at least three reported car-crashes, around a dozen local businesses shutting down due to distracted staff, and several drunk men in bars going home alone and unsatisfied. Disgraceful.

Many young women in today’s questionable moral climate seem to be under the awful delusion that decisions regarding their own bodies are to be made by them and them alone, but this way of thinking can be extremely damaging. It is of course, important for women to stop and think before they act, and ask themselves the question: how would a man feel about this? Would an exposed collarbone make a male in a workplace environment too aroused to concentrate on his very important job? (A job so important, in fact, that the hypothetical male would of course be paid more than the collar-bone bearing female). Would the extra inch of flesh left by a short skirt drive a once chivalrous man to making unwanted advances? If yes, the answer is simple. The woman must alter her choices in order to satisfy the needs of those around her.

We here at The Courier, however, are compassionate people. We do not wish to approach this matter with judgement or malice before we know the whole story. We appreciate that sometimes, women are unable to make these kinds of decisions without the help of men. We understand how difficult it can be for women to make choices about their own bodies. All we can do, for now, is hope. Hope that this girl can be tracked down, along with her other licentious friends, and helped. Hope that she can be given access to counselling and advice. And hope that she can be given what she needs above all else – a genuine, kind-hearted gentleman to look past her flaws, and take her hand in marriage, so that he can make her decisions for her.

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